What's left behind?

I'm looking out of the window ... 

That's exactly how I've started my travel blog at the beginning of this year. I often use to look out of the window when I'm thinking and try to find the right words. 2019 is nearly over and I ponder if I am there where I wanted to be or at least where I thought I could be. Somehow I have to answer this positively, but with restrictions.😔

We're back home for 3 weeks now. Is it really only 3 weeks? I don't know how many times I've checked the calender withing the last days because it feels much more far away than only 3 weeks. My memories are still fresh but I still haven't realized many aspects. I'm waiting for them to crash in like ... Like what? Don't know. I've experienced so much in that time. With all my senses and still it only feels like a wonderful dream. That's something I truly don't get. Well, I'll get along with it somehow.

Actually, I don't want to complain about how much I miss Hawai'i, and yet I think about it almost all the time. Maybe it wasn't my best idea to chose November for the trip because after that wonderful climate of Hawai'i the winter season in Germany seems even more worse to me. Oh, how I wish I could put away my stockings and warm shoes again! I don't know why some people can't imagine how liberating and pleasant it is to wear mainly slippers.👣 Pleasant temperatures enrich life so much! Besides to my yearning I think I was never less in the mood for Christmas than this year. That's the reason why you currently find not a single Christmas decoration in my apartment. Nothing. If my mom wouldn't have left a small 'I'm so glad you're back home' flower🌺 on my table there wouldn't be even something red here. Confessedly I'm not one of those people who likes seasonal decorations. I'm different in this context. But what you will find with me are candles, small lamps and fairy lights - always but not related to any season. Honestly, I'd prefer to say 'Mele Kalikimaka' instead of 'Frohe Weihnachten'. If you ask me this sounds so much nicer!😉

And what's left behind - after all? Many mind games, considerations and brooding. I knew that this trip could turn out as a turning point, in fact I hoped so. Now I'm at the point where I have to decide where my further life journey should lead to or respectively where I want to go. But 'Rome wasn't built in one day' and so this will also be a process that takes time. It would be great to wake up one day and tell yourself that from that day on everything is different. We all know that it's not so easy. It will be hard piece of work, I'm sure but I'm not afraid to do things I never did before or even to fail. A little over a year ago I started to change myself and my life with small, uncertain and shaky steps without knowing where I wanted to go. But now I know. But for big steps or even jumps you need a little run-up, right? I would like to boast 'Just watch me!' but that's not me. I have experienced too many mistakes and wrong decisions to be so arrogant. And yet it gives you a very uplifting feeling when you have made a difficult decision for yourself.

And now we come back to my travel blog. So much positive feedback from the readers and the fact that my blog posts were sometimes even quoted in online newspapers and other websites made me think. I love to write and I've been writing for many years. But until my travel blog it was only for private purposes and in German. I know that countless people are writing out there. Writing has always been a tool to sort my thoughts or let my imagination run wild.😁 So I decided to make it public now. I don't know exactly what will come of it. I can only say that Hawai'i and - even if it makes me blush - some specific people will appear - which is inevitable because these topics keep my mind busy.

Yeah baby! Some more fanfiction! 😂

Oh heaven, what a year this was!😅 So many ups and downs, so much confusion, so many wonderful happy moments and so many thoughts 'What the hell am I doing here ?!' No, I won't give a detailed review of the year, don't worry! Fortunately, I can still laugh about myself.😉 The best thing I can hope for is that you, my friends and other readers, could also smile with and about me during the year. Life is much too serious anyway, so you shouldn't deny yourself any bit of cheerfulness. Everyone who accompanied me, whether virtual or real ...  

... I love you guys!💗

A hui hou. (Until we meet again) Aloha! 🌴🌺🙏

⤇  Thanks for reading! Comments & thoughts appreciated. ⤆